lines I liked

1. God is real, unless declared integer

2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

3. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

4. Home is where the television is.

5. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

6. Death is hereditary.

7. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

9.  Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else..

11. Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

13. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

14. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

15. I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

16. Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

17. The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and

then proceed to tell you why it isn't.