Junk from the Net

I don't usually pasting stuff from the net on the blog but some of the stuff is ridiculously funny.

Just chk the lines i came across

If Men Ruled the World ...
-Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

-Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

-Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

-When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the match, she´d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

-Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you´ll get ´em next time" would pretty much do it.

-Birth control would come in ale or lager.

-Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the IPL team of your choice.

-The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

-"Sorry I´m late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

-At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you´d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

-Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

-Tanks would be far easier to rent.

-Garbage would take itself out.

-Instead of beer belly, you´d get "beer biceps."

-Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You´re #1!"

-Valentine´s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

-The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

-The only show opposite the India-Pak Match would be India-Pak Match from a Different Camera Angle.

-It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

-Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

-When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That´s $10 off."

-The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

-People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

-Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

Things to wonder

- When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

- Aren’t the ’good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

- Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

- If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

- If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

- How come popcorn isn’t a vegetable?

- Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

- If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?


PS:pardon for the extreme ennui inflicted at workplace on the soul of this net junkie.