ugly cute pic...

the chilly gust of wind...
the comforting warmth of the quilt...
the half asleep floating happy state of mind...
its midnite... its my birthday... its cake time...candles...
they drag me down stairs... ragged pink pajamas...dishevelled hair, droopy eyes...
the countdown... the bumps... the delicious cake disappears... smack on the face...
brown hair... brown face... dripping chocolate...
the wind blows off the candle before me... its pitch dark... as dark as my face...
then you hold the candle to my face... then comes the ugly cute pic...
happy birthday to me...
one more year... one more birthday... sans one person...
miss you...

Reluctant Readiness

It was a serene lake in the midst of the woods. We sat looking at the still water. She wanted to see the sunset and I was just staring in nothingness. Suddenly it felt we are talking differently may be.

It was getting dark and the light was fading .But then we still were walking among the woods and the light was not in our minds. Thousand thoughts running panic for the things we took effort in creating and could now see losing.

It was one of those times when truth hurts. Not because it has changed suddenly but it was always like that. We just never saw it like that. We keep the bar of expectations so high that there was always an underperformance. And in hope it might be achieved sometime we fuelled it more and more with energy.

It was dark now and time was definitely running short. We decided to put a conversation together. Light banter can fix so many odd moments. It has happened in past and hopefully again. An awful silence and we realized that we are friends but not the best friends yet.

Let’s play casual. I guess we both assessed self and each other wrongly. Not that we acted as posers but then you prefer showing your best side first. Sometimes in the acknowledgement of the other people`s company we forget that we aren’t really superhero`s. Very normal people with very normal shortcomings. The weakness of the human element is inevitable and the relationship is decided by the fact that you ignore it and still like the person or choose that the predicament will always be bigger than the solution.

It was over before it began. And all the planning and co ordination seemed incongruous to the occasion. Then you think may be it didn’t go as planned but it couldn`t go any more wrong. But fixing stuff with convenience happens in the movies coz audience does not return to check the aftermaths of living happily ever after. But in real life you still got to stuck it out.

Then it just went from bad to worse. It was difficult to be either attached or detached you can just be worried or concerned. But then I realized its too late for that too. Sometime I feel if I could turn back the time and not to commit so many mistakes and get smothered under the weight of too many sorry`s.

May be this lesson of life was still overdue. I admit albeit reluctantly

those missing years

Birthday happened last week. This is that time of year when suddenly you became centre of attention. People from far off place will call you who haven’t returned your calls. You feel happy if your phone rings nonstop though out the day. This day you feel no lack of sleep no over exhaustion of partying just a standard happy feeling. It doesn’t matter if deadline hasn’t been met it can still be postponed. Doesn’t matter if you have achieved anything in the past 1 year. It’s a no judgment day. You have liberty today anything and everything.

And when all the hoopla vanishes and its Monday again you come back to senses. Detoxify the liver and restore the mundane life against the monitor and excel then it clicks did you counted the candles on the cake? No, I am not scaring everybody with the crazy thoughts about horrors of ageing. Suddenly you feel grown up. Not old, I mean not yet but grown up…you feel for those good times. Times with friends where you didn’t bothered about getting up early next morning, manners and sophistication the times when life was just one big party.

When eyes were filled with dreams and possibility and not a strain of tiredness. When you thought about owning a yacht and a island not the rentals for 1 BHK in Andheri to Bandra. Not that we never complained, we might be champions at cribbing but decisions were not really compromises.

Suddenly you are 27, when it seems 21 was just yesterday. All those years when you have decided to build career brick by brick and save money for that Island or Euro trip. It feels like the missing piece in the Pie of life. All that you have lived but without sufficient memories. Lack of sustainable memories where you calculated only your take home and not the snapshots experience to write in life`s slam book.

This post is dedicated to those missing years where I grew up faster than I had wished. Learnt, battled and tried hard to find place for myself in the world and ground under my feet .When I was faster than my ability to make memories and life was not pardoning for the slow runners. But as they say… Many happy returns of the year to come.

The Paranoia now

I don't know what social phenomenon it is called but i suddenly feel good about my self and the country.I know more than 200 people lost their lives and My country has been called as Big Fat Sitting Duck in international circles but all this has made me feel more patriotic then ever before.More then when India won T20 or Pokharan nuclear test. The Public outrage which has followed suddenly made me feel so alive and determined that no levels of election promises can denounce it.

I am so happy that elections are not so far away and wasteful regional and religion issues will not be able to compromise things like National Security

Its easier to say that enough is enough but dont forget one thing outrage is turning out to be a little urban in nature.Public discontent should not stay confined to learned or literate.I am saying if you want the corrupt politicians to stay away then we must think like them.Kill the concept of vote banks.No point generating outcry among 5% of the total voters.We must ensure the rural and poor of this country should also know how their lives are being kept for mortgauge by the politicians.How vulnerable we are to any terror attacks and how apathatic our representative lot has became.

Its not just a matter of holding playcards or lightining candles.I m not against it though but my plea is make each citizen of teh country aware how the corrupt politicians has made the country so porus and any body from any side of teh country can come and attack us.And how the choices we make now will decide the development, economics but also also our lives in literal sense of the word.

Somebody said it correctly: Politicians are like diapers.Must be changed when soiled else it will give rashes and discomfort.

Mumbai Spirit…..yeah rite!!!

60 hours of high Octane action thriller with the bloodshed which can put Quentin Tarentino to shame? But how I wish it to be just a movie where I would have appreciated American visual effects and gadgetry, SWAT commandos and Navy seals. But unfortunately it was the real blood of my brethren. The images filled with gory incident and political hollow speak makes me angry, dazed and embarrassed at the same time.

Sometimes I feel that the whole India should be termed as Heritage site. Not just we have Old forts and ruins but also prehistoric policies, self sustaining Infrastructure and really antique Politicians as artifacts.

I was really angry when I started to write the post, but it’s easy to be angry and curse but irony here is nobody will listen. I mean we are so foolhardily proud that it’s downright stupid. We don’t want help Israel`s Help nor FBI `s help..Why just coz we are the second most populated country in the world and can afford to let some 1000 people die in last 6 months.

So what is our defense? Commandos being commuted in BEST buses. Helicopters arriving after 14 hours of the incident. I am not saying pull all the politicians in a line and shoot them. Coz that is easy to say. I know people crying we won’t tolerate it and Let India Not be scarred again and again. But why is public memory in India so short? I want the Burnt TAJ to be there for a while to remind me this is my country. I want those horrific photos to be framed and put at all train stations to keep reminding that among those dead could have been anybody.

Mumbai Spirit. Called once again for the rescue. I just fear for the day when it will just get tired and refuse to come. Sensibilities are stretched and personal loss of land and lives is higher magnitude than anything it has borne before.

We are like this only” it’s not just a famous book but Indians favorite tag line. But I guess it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy where sometimes we take ignorance is bliss far too seriously. So the Mumbai will fight back..like Ahmadabad did, Like Jaipur did then why can’t we have only these spirits as security in charge why waste money on paying petty salaries to security personnel who will at the end of the day will save Mayawati from here Dalit followers rather than the country from the terrorist Attacks. Or why waste tax payer`s money on Intelligence Agencies which end up spying for One political party on another. I mean the average IQ of an Indian is high and average IQ of the Politician is low so who needs Intelligence Agencies rite?

I appreciate the news channels pledge to not to let people forget. I know making news is there bread and butter and may be the programming is filled with vested interests but even unintentionally they are doing a big help to the country. We proved in the case of Jessica Lal and we can prove again if required this bottoms up approach to democracy can be more rewarding on long run. Suddenly Politicians boycotting media and media happy to oblige. I don’t know if this is good or bad for the country but definitely a pleasant change from watching elected clowns making callous statements